Chapter 6
Those Who Know Are Where To Go
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Today's Empowering Quote
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"Listen to everything a man has to
say about what he knows, but don't let him advise you about what he
doesn't know. And usually he doesn't know too much about
what's best for you."
-Barney Balaban
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Today's Empowering Question
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"Whose advice have I been listening
to? Has it helped? Where can I get the most helpful
information and feedback?"
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Today's Fast Session
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Doesn't it seem like everywhere you
turn someone is willing to tell you how to get rid of your
problems...whether they know what they're talking about or not?
The danger is when you start to listen to it. You'll usually
find that your advisor/critics rarely, if ever, follow their own
advice.
I was recently watching the NY
Yankees play the NY Mets, when a commercial came on that starred
Mike Piazza, the catcher for the Mets. He's having a rough
season so far.
In the commercial, here's Mike
standing on the street. A guy in a truck asks Mike, "How deep
is right field?" Mike says, "About 330 feet." Then the
guy asks, "How deep is center field?" Mike says, "About 410
feet." So the guy says to Mike, "Hit it to right field!"
The game announcers remarked that
those kinds of interactions happen all the time between players and
fans.
Here's an important question: Who
are you listening to?
Do you take advice and criticism
from people who have no business giving it out? Is it usually
helpful?
Now don't get me wrong.
Criticism delivered properly is healthy, course correcting
feedback... if you seek to learn.
Too often though, critics have
other agendas. And they couldn't take their own advice if
their lives depended on it.
The problem with hearing unwanted
or unwarranted criticism is that it often isn't put in a
constructive way, so instead of getting, "You know I read that
walking just 20-30 minutes a day can help you lose x # of pounds.
Have you tried that?" you usually hear, "You are fat. You
better start exercising."
This from a person who probably
only puts on a pair of sweat pants to sleep in.
Here are a few bad examples of well
meaning but potentially costly advice.
-You should get into XYZ stock.
It's been climbing for a year.
-I take Supercalifragilistic weight loss pills and I lost 13 pounds.
You ought to try it, too. A doctor made it.
-I quit smoking cold turkey. That's the only way that works.
-Don't let it get to you. What you need is a drink.
-Vegetarian? How do you get protein? You have to eat meat.
When I was failing at selling,
everyone had advice. The trouble was, the people giving it
were the furthest thing from professionals.
So in addition to reading books,
listening to tapes and going to seminars, I set up an evaluation
system that told me with absolute accuracy if I was doing a good job
that day.
I graded my performance each day on
about 30 different factors. Everything from number
of calls, how I greeted someone, my facial expressions, question
structure, listening with empathy, concern for their problems
instead of mine, answering questions, building value, etc. It
was an extremely thorough, honest assessment.
After each appointment, I pulled
out my sheet and filled in the grades for each factor. It took 1-2
minutes, and was brutally honest at telling me where I needed to
improve. Many salespeople who knew me asked me how I turned it
all around so fast. I didn't offer it. They asked first.
When I'd tell them what I did, they couldn't believe something so
simple could work so well.
And every single one of those
salespeople continued on their mediocre ways. Many left the
sales profession all together.
Imagine that. They had a
world record holder willing to share a critical idea, yet they
continued listening to their equally inept co-workers instead.
Very few people want constructive criticism, even if it's just from
themselves.
So I have two tiny little
suggestions...
One, don't give advice.
People don't want it. They don't use it. And they'll get
sick of hearing it. If you must, be a sounding board instead.
When people hear themselves out loud, they often get the answer they
were looking for without outside advice. It's hard enough to
change yourself. Changing others is fifty times more
difficult.
And two, don't let critics ruin
your mood. Not even for a minute. If someone comes along
and gives you their two cents and you find yourself feeling
powerless, make a mental note, "This is what I get when I let just
anyone mess with my esteem and confidence."
Listen to yourself and to people
who have overcome the same challenges that you're working on.
That's it. Talk to people about your challenges, but unless
they've overcome the same thing, be careful about taking their
suggestions.
It could be very costly to your
emotional, physical and financial health.
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Today's Winning Beliefs
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-- I seek out advice from the
appropriate places
-- I check out all options when I make important decisions
-- I'm good at evaluating the value of advice
-- I'm in solid control of my own self-esteem
-- I am honest with myself in areas that need improvement
ThinkRightNow.com
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